The Death of Harry Mason: The Real Story
by ClairvoyantMoonchild
Summary: Because I steadfastly refuse to believe a giant lizard-giant moth-demon dog-demon monkey-demon cockroach-demon pterodactyl-Incubus killer like Harry Mason died as easily as Silent Hill 3 would have you believe. Here's how it really happened. Beware of complete OOC-ness.


One fine night, Harry Mason was sitting back in his chair, being awesome. How awesome? Too awesome for adequate description, apparently.

Anyway, on this particular night, a knock on the door of his apartment interrupted his ritual of being awesome. He sighed, but didn't get up from his chair. A man needs his comfortable chair, after all.

"Chether… or Hearyl… whatever the girl's name is, has a key," he rationalized to himself. The knocking was insistent and becoming more forceful by the second. Harry groaned and got up from the chair, mumbling to himself. "Probably lost the key. I _told_ her not to lose it. Goddamned kids these days… no responsibilities. I killed a giant demon moth, damn it. She's got it easy."

Walking over to the door, he pulled it open to see a pale-looking woman in black clothing, and at least ten huge creatures behind her with heads that looked like masses of bleeding flesh, blood soaked robes, and long, sharp, sword-like blades in their hands.

The woman stepped forward threateningly. "At last, we have found-"

"Whatever it is you're selling, I'm not buying," Harry muttered, and he shut the door in the woman's face. Literally. "Stupid costumes… I killed demon monkeys, damn it. It takes a lot to scare Harry friggin' Mason…"

As he made his way back to his chair to resume being awesome, the door was forced open, and the monsters swarmed in to surround his living room. Harry looked around, annoyed. "Okay, what's all this now? This is no way to treat Harry friggin' Mason, let me tell you. I killed a giant demon lizard, damn it!"

The dazed woman walked in after the monsters, a little wobbly from her face meeting the door, but she composed herself quickly. "At last… we have found you. You took the Holy Child from us…"

"You're good friends with Dahlia, aren't you?" Harry deadpanned, completely unafraid.

The woman seemed surprised by his response, but she quickly recovered. "I… am Claudia," she spoke breathily, trying to keep her spiritual presence intact.

"So… what?" Harry replied, raising his arms in frustration.

Claudia studied Harry for a moment. "It seems lies are not the only unpleasant things you have filled her mind with…"

"Well, we all want to be good parents, right? Anyway, you guys better beat it before I go all emergency hammer on your asses. I killed demon pterodactyls, damn it!"

Claudia sighed and then dramatically pointed her finger at him accusingly, getting back on track. "_You_ destroyed our dreams… if not for you, our plans would have succeeded…"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I take it you aren't aware of how it all went down, are you? I mean, it's not like I had much of a choice in the matter. I couldn't just tell her- 'no, screw off, I don't want to be a dad after all this crap!'- she just up and handed me the kid!"

"But now, with your death, the way to Paradise will finally be seen…" Claudia clasped her hands together as if in reverence, clearly looking annoyed at how little Harry seemed to care for any of this.

"I killed a god, damn it! I wasn't going to leave without _something_ to show for it. It _could_ have been a happy life with Cybil and her tight leather pants, but _nooooo…_ she had to go get possessed and try to choke me."

Claudia took a deep breath of frustration, looked at Harry and spread her arms out, indicating the demons. "We are the ones who will lead the way… with bloodstained hands…"

Harry continued to rant while Claudia rambled, stuck in his own little world of personal injustices, which, after spending some time being stuck in someone else's little world of personal injustices, was a very freeing feeling. "I also _could_ have had a happy life with Lisa and her cute nurse uniform, but _nooooo…_ she had to go and… um, do whatever it was that turned her into… um, bloody Lisa."

"It has been a long seventeen years of pain…" Claudia spoke through her clenched teeth, now very annoyed with the hero of Silent Hill, looking around the room as she spoke. "But now…"

"Or both, for that matter! A female cop and a nurse… actually, now that I think about it, I'm sure there's a fetish market for crazy religious women and telekinetic girls in school uniforms also… well, at least in Japan. Wow, my adventure was weirder than I thought…"

Claudia looked up to the ceiling with outstretched arms, trying once more to show reverence to God and calm her growing anger. "This world will be saved from the sins of mankind at last…"

"Yeah, 'and all our sorrows will be washed away', right? Seriously, do you guys just rehearse for these speeches by browsing through Crazy Religious Psychos for Dummies, or are you just winging it right now? I'm genuinely curious. Oh, and can you stop looking around like that when you're talking to me? I realize Gyromancy leaves you pretty dizzy, but I'm standing right here!"

"…please just kill him, for the love of God." Claudia moved back and began massaging her temples to lull back her growing headache.

"Ha! I see what you did th-aargh!" Harry gasped as he felt a blade stab him in the back, protruding through his stomach now. Blood splashed to the floor. The Missionary pulled its bloody blade out and watched in confusion as Harry then staggered away to the kitchen area in immense pain. "One… second…" He wheezed as he pulled open the refrigerator and pulled two small glass bottles out. Health drinks.

Harry downed the contents, which brought his stamina back to "Fine" levels. With that, Harry began to feel his spirit returning and pulled his trusty emergency hammer from his coat's pocket.

"I'll Kill You" began playing in the background, and Harry glared at the Missionaries with a determined look. "Okay, assholes. You want my daughter back, you're gonna have to get through me! I killed giant demon cockroaches, damn it!"

With that epic pre-battle shout, Harry charged forward and unleashed a can of emergency hammer ass-whooping the likes of which had not been unleashed since his adventures in Silent Hill.

At one point, a neighbor of his walked in to complain about all the noise. "Hey, Mason, you want to keep it down? Laura's trying to sl-aargh!" Harry interrupted by performing a mid-air kick to the piece of wood the man was holding for some reason, causing him to run off in fear of getting royally destroyed by the superior protagonist.

By the time Harry's battle of righteous fury was over, nine Missionaries lay dead, while one feigned death to prevent any further pain.

Satisfied, he turned to face Claudia, whose eyes were wide with astonishment. The Silent Hill theme began to play in the background as Harry raised his hammer in victory.

"Listen up, you crazy bitch. Yeah, I killed those demon dogs. It was fun. And I killed the moth, the lizard, the monkeys, the god, the pterodactyls, and I may or not have killed Cybil, I don't really remember… and guess what? I killed the fucking cockroaches! And you barge in here, thinking you can take _me_ down? I'm the hero of Silent Hill! I'm the reigning number one dad of the series! I know that's not saying much, but whatever! I'm Harry friggin' Mason! Who the hell are you?!"

When his speech was over, he grinned to himself. "Oh, that is good. Hold on, stay there for a second. I gotta write this down. I am a writer, you know."

As Harry began to make his way to his room to jot down his speech, the still-living Missionary saw it's chance and lunged, getting in a cheap shot with an upward swing at Harry's back. The hammer fell to the floor as blood splattered everywhere. The sad piano version of the Silent Hill theme began playing. A long moment's silence followed before Harry slowly turned his head around to his killer and groaned, "…bullshit."

And with that, he sunk to his knees, gave a groan that sounded more like he was tired than about to die, and then collapsed to the ground with another, more resigning groan.

Harry Mason had fallen.

And so kids, the moral of the story is, don't be a writer. Especially if you're writing crap like this.

0000000000000000000

Disclaimer: Silent Hill was created by some Japanese dudes over in Japan who are Japanese. So… not mine.

But wait, you ask! What about the Missionary corpses? And why was Harry in his chair?

Fine... fine...

Bonus Story:

Claudia sighed with relief and looked to the Missionary. "Alright, now put him back in that chair."

The Missionary gave her a questioning look, or at least what passed for a look with the kind of head he had.

Claudia looked upon Harry's corpse with the utmost respect. "He has earned his comfortable chair."

The Missionary gave its equivalent to a groan and complied with her order. However, it was more than happy when Claudia told it to clean up all the bodies of the other fallen monsters and their blood, to give Heather the false impression that Harry had died a shameful death to add to her hatred. He'd always enjoyed being a kill stealing bastard.

There. That's the end.

But wait, you say! How is it kill stealing if he gets no real award for it and none of the other Missionaries had Harry against the ropes long enough for this one to get the credit for his death?

...shut up or I'll go all emergency hammer on your asses.


End file.
